


Light.

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, I Tried, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, idk put on some sad music, takes place after Higuchi dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-04-29 13:10:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14473431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The night Higuchi died Light regained his memories.Well, L was going to die soon, and Kira will take over Light. There was no reason not to.It was a mutual attraction. It wasn’t exactly a physical attraction. Light didn’t find L attractive. It wasn’t love either. It was... a deeper connection, Light guessed.So that night they held close.





	Light.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make this as canon as I could. I’m not sure if this is completely in-character though.

  
Light did not deny L’s presence was a comfort.

The sound of typing from the other side of the bed late at night, the metal cuff rhythmically tapping against his wrist, it reminded him that there was indeed someone in the world that was his equal, the light in a world of darkness.

Kira and Ryuzaki both fought for justice. Light and L were bored. Shouldn’t they be on the same side, really?

There was no room for L in his world though. Light held no ill will towards L; it was simply something that must be done. Light was content with the time they had spent with each other- L had understood him. To create a perfect world, what was one life?

Kira was different. Kira was egoistical. It was inevitable that Kira would eventually destroy Light. It was human, and it was to be expected. Kira grows excited at the idea that L would die anytime, preferably as soon as Misa digs up the the Death Note. At the same time, Kira respects L. L was its rival and friend.

Light yanked the chain, dragging L towards him. Wide black eyes met his sleepy ones. It wasn’t necessarily the right decision, but it was the one that was meant to be. So their lips crashed together. It was impulsive, instinctive. Tonight may be the last they spend together.

Kira wasn’t here at this moment. Kira always aimed to please. Kira always conformed to what was expected of it. Kira would think this was repulsive. Kira wasn’t here at this moment. So it was okay.

Light was different from Kira. He knew it was a mutual attraction, nothing more, nothing less. It was natural for this to happen. They found comfort in each other. L’s lips were chapped, dry and cold. Light didn’t mind.

L let Light do what he wanted. There was no resistance. It was unlike L.

Then, a whisper, “Who are you Light?”

Light’s breath hitched.

Spidery hands travelled up his shirt. Light held him close.

“Ah,” Light realized, “it’s not unlike L, it’s unlike Ryuzaki.”

“Who are you?” the question repeated itself.

He was an aspiring detective with a strong sense of justice. But wasn’t that because his father was a policeman and wanted his son to pursue it?

He was a good student with perfect grades. But wasn’t that because it was what was expected of him by his parents?

He was chivalrous, kind, and charming. But wasn’t that what his peers expected from the best student in Japan?

He was God. But wasn’t that what the world wanted- no- needed?

No. That was Kira. They were all Kira. A jealous, insecure, hypocritical god. So who was Light? When does Light end and Kira start?

“I don’t know Ryuzaki.”

They were quiet.

He struggled to remove L’s jeans. He wore them to sleep- or to bed, at least. L returned the favour.

They were gentle, their touches soft. There was no hatred or passion. They kissed again, saliva dripping down their chins. Light was inside L. Droplets of blood rolled onto the mattress.

For a moment there was no movement. They were quiet, yet it was not awkward. Their breath in sync.

There was movement then. In this dark room, only the two existed. It was an intimate moment between two beings, still very much human despite both not realizing it.

L let small grunts slip, disrupting the silence. His hands rested on Light’s arms, lightly holding on.

It started raining, the pitter-patter making L tense up. Light paid him no mind, resting his forehead against L’s. L wrapped his legs around Light’s waist. His previously closed eyes shot open, wide with realization. It was as if he just got out of a trance.

Suddenly, L got off and rolled to the other side of the bed. They didn’t speak.

That morning they were as friendly as ever. Kira was back. He walked in first, Ryuzaki tagging along close behind with a slight limp.

Internally, Kira was boiling with rage. He couldn’t believe- couldn’t accept what happened yesterday.

There were no new leads. The Task Force was unmotivated. Just when they thought Kira had been captured, he died. In addition, the killings haven’t ceased.

Kira gave a charming smile, “Cheer up guys, there’s still hope. The fate of the world rests on our shoulders! If we aren’t going to catch Kira, then who is?”

The day wasted away with no new evidence. However, the murderer and the detective got into another fight.

The mixture of yesterday’s events and Ryuzaki’s unusual cheeriness (He assumed this was because he was open to suspicion again) made the to-be God lose control and send a punch flying.

The insomniac retaliated and kneed the other right in the crotch. He staggered back, face red, trying not to let his pain show.

He glared at Ryuzaki and Ryuzaki stared back passively.

Matsuda finally broke the tension, “Eh, Light, didn’t you say yourself that the fate of the world depends on us? We shouldn’t be getting upset over something like this then.”

The two stared at him dumbfounded.

Ryuzaki spoke quietly, “Light-kun, did Matsuda just say something that wasn’t stupid?”

“Yeah I think so.”

The two retreated to their seats, clearly flustered.

The rest of the day was uneventful.

That night Kira gripped L by his hair, towering over him angrily. The detective was laying on the bed with Kira on top of him.

L stared back at him blankly. His eye was bruised from the punch he received earlier during the day.

L felt a sharp sting. A slap. A slap from Kira. There was no reaction.

Kira hissed, “What sort of black magic have you imposed on me?”

The calmness from yesterday was gone, L noticed.

It didn’t matter if L knew that he was Kira at this point. He already knew. He’s always known. However, yesterday pushed it too far.

He felt soiled, dirty, disgusting. He kissed a man, a _man_! He was perfect, he must be perfect. How could he do something... something so repulsive... unnatural... It made him almost gag. It made him want to wash his body clean, scrub it until his skin was raw. He shuddered as he recalled yesterday’s events.

To think: he engaged in _sodomy_.

What would his father think? His mother would be disappointed. His sister would no longer look up to him. His peers will ridicule him. An overwhelming fear suddenly took over Kira and he tried his best to suppress it.

The mass murderer slapped L’s already hurting cheek again. He tried to turn his disgust for the man beneath him into something else. Arrogance. Kira smirked, “Where’s your ‘an eye for an eye’ attitude now?”

“So Kira hasn’t noticed.”

The brunette clenched his teeth, “What?”

His grip on the other’s hair strengthened. His free hand travelled down to the genius insomniac’s pale forearm and pinched the skin.

Kira was slightly annoyed, “Tell me.”

Finding this somewhat amusing, L let out a tiny grin, “No.”

His teeth were slightly stained with blood from the earlier slaps. Kira found it repulsive.

The fingernails broke skin; the droplets of blood got trapped beneath Kira’s nails.

Still, L refused to say.

“Fine, be that way.” Kira figured he was tainted from yesterday night anyway, so it wouldn’t matter. If he were to do something, he would be the best at it. The longing to be impeccable scratched and itched at him, not allowing him to sleep. He /absolutely/had to be perfect at everything he has ever attempted.

“I’m going to beat you at your own game then.”

“Not everything is a competition, Light.”

“Then I will make it one.”

The kiss was harsh and bitter, unlike last night’s. His hand hesitantly rested on L’s nipple. Should he treat him like a woman? Sex felt alien to him all of a sudden.

A sudden sense of regret took over Kira and forbidden thoughts rushed through his head, “Maybe... Maybe I shouldn’t have picked up the Death Note. I would still be the model student then. I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be suspected, I wouldn’t... I wouldn’t... Oh God what if this is the wrong choice?”

He faltered for just a second. It was enough for L to notice. L decided not to point it out.

Kira pushed the thoughts away. It was too late to back out now anyway. He shouldn’t have faltered.

Gently he pushed two of his fingers into L’s mouth. The fingers were salty and probably quite dirty. L would have preferred a midnight snack over this. He flicked his tongue over the tip of the fingers, cleaning off the dried blood.

The fingers left his mouth covered in bloody spit. L stared at it warily. He’s been so... tired lately. He could foresee his death in the near future. He would die by Light’s hand, and nobody would even know it was him. That was fine, he didn’t mind. Feelings weren’t something he was allowed to have.

He remembered his days at the orphanage. The “caretaker”, if you could call her that, would beat the children regularly. After all, who would care about a few orphan boys? His days at Wammy’s were a little better. However, Watari was always cold and uncaring. There were no children, no toys. He has grown used to this, it wasn’t something new. Nobody would miss him. Sure, they would miss his intellect, his deductive skills but not _him_.

Near and Mello would take over, he knew. Ls were disposable. It was why he never revealed his face.

Feelings weren’t something he was allowed to have, but L does quite like Light. He knew Light wouldn’t mourn him though. His death was mandatory for Kira’s utopia. They both had their obligations.

L realized Light hasn’t done anything in a while. He looked up, only to see the auburn haired kid with tears streaming down his face.

After some brief deductions L concluded that Light must be putting himself.

And so he was.

He was freaking out about the undeniable erection he had. This arousal wasn’t something Kira wanted. He was sobbing, shaking, trying to deny the reality. He had always been the perfect child.

“Why... Why is this happening to _me_?” The sentence came out as a whine, a twisted version of Light’s voice. His nose was red and his eyes puffy, he no longer resembled the handsome young man everyone admired.

L inched towards the hysterical brunette. Kira freaked, shrieking and scrambling away, tumbling off of the bed dragging the comforter with him.

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”

He stared at L, eyes wide with panic.

“If I recall correctly, it was Light’s idea in the first place.”

He wasn’t prepared for this. The reality came crashing down upon him that he reciprocated the feelings. His body wouldn’t listen to him. It was unusual, strange, _dangerous_.

L crawled towards the younger man, slowly as to not startled him. The oddball detective wrapped his arms around the other in a tight embrace. After a while, he eased into the hug. Light’s breathing slowed. Kira left, if only for tonight.

They enjoyed each other’s presence in silence. Tomorrow the entire ordeal would be forgotten, and Light and L gone. Kira and Ryuzaki would take their place.

 

 


End file.
